CLICK HERE FOR THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES »

Sunday, June 24, 2007

midnight chat


I know that a lot of you check the blog often and I feel bad that you look at the same entry that has been there for days. I really don't know what to write, but here I go. I surprisingly have done incredibly well during my Chemo. I truly have to thank Heavenly Father for the amazing strength that I have received. I feel like I need other people to tell me what is happening to me right now. I don't realize the reality of having cancer. I feel great and life seems better than it has been at other times in my life, so why now is life so good, when it seems like it should be so hard. I consider myself to be a positive person, but I am now realizing how important my thought process is. For instance, today I was sitting in church thinking about how tired I was and how the open seat next to me looked nice and comfy to lay on. Then I started thinking, "but then I would get nothing out of the lesson, so why not challenge yourself to really enjoying the lesson, maybe even participate and really begin to understand and appreciate the rest of the people in the room!" I did so and the lesson became very alive and important to the strengthening of my own testimony and I grew even more love for the women in that room. I was really taken by the power of having a change of thought. I don't know if any of you have heard of the movie and book called The Secret. I was recently given it as a gift and I began reading it. One of the quotes in the book reminded me of my current situation.
I have known about my cancerous spot for a long time. I just didn't know it was cancer. It stayed the same size for a very long time and that is why I never budged about getting fussy with it. I just left it alone. This is seen as stupid by others and sometimes myself, (Honestly a 22 yr old with no past history has no thought to cancer and being concerned with cancer) but as soon as cancer was brought to the forefront of my mind I began thinking about it constantly. I, one night, stayed up thinking about it so much that the spot actually began to hurt. Also, it began to increase in size dramatically. Well, thats when I finally went in an here I am on Chemo. It was I think, one week and four days after my first treatment when I was at work talking to a coworker and I felt the spot were the cancer was and it was gone to the touch. I was able to cup my hand and the tumor would fill the spot before treatment started. As I touched the spot I began finding myself searching for it. I could no longer feel the spot anymore. I was flabbergasted. I didn't even know how to carry a conversation except to say "I cant feel it anymore!" I could owe this to many things why this happened, but one that I find a very important key is the power of positive thinking. Even though the effects of chemo were not encouraging and many were opposed to me going through it I had a lot of faith in chemo. After the first treatment I was completely not scared about having treatment or having cancer. I put all trust in God and also myself that I would get through this with a positive attitude and a life learned lesson. When i put good thoughts into focus this cancer thing became a breeze and if I may, enjoyable.
I'm going to put out there... the challenge: I don't want this to be supper cheesy, but with all sincerity, because you all have helped encourage me so much. At this time I don't know what is ailing your life at this time personally, and I know that each of you reading this is that someone or knows someone who deals with the daily battles of self persecution, physical pain or unexpected troubles. Learn anyways to always look for the good. I truly know the value of having a grateful heart, having faith, being positive and most of all treating others with kindness. These are key ingredients to my happy life and I would like to share it with you!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Alena! You make me cry, you are so special! What a great leader you are becoming and an example to all of us! I'm in awe of your positive spirit--and I can definately learn from that. I hope your heart is full today and I pray for your continued strength.

Love Sara(Haas)Medakovic

Anonymous said...

My dear Alena - this was such a wonderful tribute to who you really are and why we are all truly blessed to have you in our lives. Thank you for making me think of what life is all about - I know I have been tested - especially recently and this brings it to the forefront. Life is so precious. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with all of us during such a very trying time. I am proud to call myself your "Aunt Carol"

molano said...

Alena, you are amazing. I've seen you grow quite a bit in the last 2 months. You shine and your beauty has grown immensely! I know you will have a long life full of love.

Wendy M said...

You are amazing. I don't always leave a message, but I do check your blog frequently, and think of you often. Thank you for sharing so much on your blog! You are a strength to me!
:-) Wendy M

Anonymous said...

Alena! I'm at work right now reading your blog and trying so hard not to cry. (And you know once I start crying it takes awhile to stop)

I'm so glad I got to see you the other night and go on our river adventure. You really are a positive person and being optimistic helps in all situations.

If you ever need to get out of the house give me call and we'll go to the river again so you can play with the frogs in the smelly water!

You know I am constantly thinking and praying for you, thank you for being a shinning example to all of us!

Love, Amy

Anonymous said...

Gr/Gr Slade: Wow, Alena, what awesome and inspiring words.
Thank you, thank you, for enriching all our lives. Love.