midnight chat

I know that a lot of you check the blog often and I feel bad that you look at the same entry that has been there for days. I really don't know what to write, but here I go. I surprisingly have done incredibly well during my Chemo. I truly have to thank Heavenly Father for the amazing strength that I have received. I feel like I need other people to tell me what is happening to me right now. I don't realize the reality of having cancer. I feel great and life seems better than it has been at other times in my life, so why now is life so good, when it seems like it should be so hard. I consider myself to be a positive person, but I am now realizing how important my thought process is. For instance, today I was sitting in church thinking about how tired I was and how the open seat next to me looked nice and comfy to lay on. Then I started thinking, "but then I would get nothing out of the lesson, so why not challenge yourself to really enjoying the lesson, maybe even participate and really begin to understand and appreciate the rest of the people in the room!" I did so and the lesson became very alive and important to the strengthening of my own testimony and I grew even more love for the women in that room. I was really taken by the power of having a change of thought. I don't know if any of you have heard of the movie and book called The Secret. I was recently given it as a gift and I began reading it. One of the quotes in the book reminded me of my current situation.
I have known about my cancerous spot for a long time. I just didn't know it was cancer. It stayed the same size for a very long time and that is why I never budged about getting fussy with it. I just left it alone. This is seen as stupid by others and sometimes myself, (Honestly a 22 yr old with no past history has no thought to cancer and being concerned with cancer) but as soon as cancer was brought to the forefront of my mind I began thinking about it constantly. I, one night, stayed up thinking about it so much that the spot actually began to hurt. Also, it began to increase in size dramatically. Well, thats when I finally went in an here I am on Chemo. It was I think, one week and four days after my first treatment when I was at work talking to a coworker and I felt the spot were the cancer was and it was gone to the touch. I was able to cup my hand and the tumor would fill the spot before treatment started. As I touched the spot I began finding myself searching for it. I could no longer feel the spot anymore. I was flabbergasted. I didn't even know how to carry a conversation except to say "I cant feel it anymore!" I could owe this to many things why this happened, but one that I find a very important key is the power of positive thinking. Even though the effects of chemo were not encouraging and many were opposed to me going through it I had a lot of faith in chemo. After the first treatment I was completely not scared about having treatment or having cancer. I put all trust in God and also myself that I would get through this with a positive attitude and a life learned lesson. When i put good thoughts into focus this cancer thing became a breeze and if I may, enjoyable.
I'm going to put out there... the challenge: I don't want this to be supper cheesy, but with all sincerity, because you all have helped encourage me so much. At this time I don't know what is ailing your life at this time personally, and I know that each of you reading this is that someone or knows someone who deals with the daily battles of self persecution, physical pain or unexpected troubles. Learn anyways to always look for the good. I truly know the value of having a grateful heart, having faith, being positive and most of all treating others with kindness. These are key ingredients to my happy life and I would like to share it with you!